**Caution, adult language follows… I am just slightly upset by the topic of my Voodoo Hex of the Moment. If you are offended by such language, voodoo to you too.**
I think it rather ironic that my first Voodoo Hex is going out to bloggers- not all bloggers mind you; specifically, I am hexing the dumb-asses that are posting pictures of their cute little children to their public photo albums.
No… I don’t have a problem with children. I have a problem with PUBLIC.
I also have a problem with stupid people that unwittingly providing enough supporting details throughout months of blogging that any sick fucker, who is fixated on said children in the public photo album, could then follow the bread crumbs and easily identify the location, identity, habits, etc. of those photogenic bundles of joy.
What horror would befall then?
Dumb-asses… voodoo on you.
Here is where I would link to the example of the blog I stumbled onto this morning so that I could easily make my point with evidence and exhibits; in the interest of that entire family’s safety, I graciously abstain. I will, however, send them a copy of this post so that the hexed understands exactly why she suddenly has this burning itch between her toes that just won’t go away and her husband has come down with the drippy dick.
Let me paint the picture for you too:
So there I was, cruising the world of blogs trying to generate some enthusiasm and ideas for my own foray into this new medium when I came upon a beautiful little girl’s picture in a family blog. You know, the kind of blog that the lady of the house is creating so that she can share all of her news, stories and pictures with other family members who are far flung and scattered to places beyond the borders of the tiny little ecosphere in which she calls home. The little girl could not have been much older than 5 or 6 but she had long thick brown hair, big brown eyes, and a smile as wide as Texas; she would melt any person’s heart.
She was obviously the treasure in that family; there were probably 30 or 40 pictures of her in various places, poses, and other moments little girls often have exploring the world around them. As I found myself COMPELLED to keep clicking on picture after picture of the little girl; I was smiling and for a moment sharing in the joy that this little girl obviously creates wherever she goes. I was in a happy place.
Then the tiny little voice in the back of my head, my “Spidey Sense” if you will, started screaming and ranting and raving- just carrying on in a terrible racket… What the fuck?
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“Tiny voice to Scott, come in over.”
Yeah, what?
“Do you not get it or what? Come on man, pull yourself together! You call yourself an investigator and security consultant… HMMPH!”
SOOOO what? Let me get back to this cute little girl and all of her magical little escapades!
“Step back from the computer there, Ace. Settle down, take a couple of deep breaths and tell me what you see. Put your thinking cap back on for just a moment…”
Holy Crap Batman!
“Well, no shit Sherlock. Now go write about this, warn the world that blogging is evil.”
I’m not going so far as to say that blogging is evil. That’s stupid.
“Whatever. Welcome back to reality there Slick. Go save a child.”
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Which brings me back to the point of my voodoo hex, dear reader: shame on you, dangerous bloggers.
The first thing I immediately picked up on was that this little girl’s name was in the title and file name of every picture bearing her likeness! More horrific than that was the fact that her family’s last name was incorporated into the title of the blog!
“The Smith Family Blogosphere of Happiness” or some such contrivance.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks… there she was in her little cheerleading costume with the name of her school emblazoned on the front; there she was in front of her gymnastics class in her leotard; there she was at the beach in her cute little bathing waiting by the family pickup truck; and there she was dressed up for Halloween as Wonder Woman pretending to lasso another older girl in front of a house.
It’s not what you’re thinking, I’m not a pervert. Stay with me here.
Just looking at the pictures I was able to determine what school she was attending, where she goes to gymnastics class, there was a house number above the front door of the home, and GULP!... is that a license plate number on the back of the truck? Hmmm, isn’t motor vehicle registration information readily for sale to the public through hoards of elicit websites? (Yes.)
Wow. What a dumb-ass this blogger is. She can’t give away much more information than this, could she? (Yes.)
Reading the last 2 months of this family’s blog, I began to feel a bit ill. Kind of like that queasiness you got when your Dad told you to go to the closet and select the belt he was going to spank you with… This is what I found:
Mom and Dad’s name, places of employment for both, name of the little girl, name of an unidentified older girl in many of the family photos, city and state in which they lived, where they were going for vacation in December- posted in October; really, the list goes on and on.
Please tell me that they do not have a listed number… (Sadly, yes.)
The WHOIS information for their blog’s URL listed the blogger’s name, home address, telephone number and email address.
If I meant harm to this little girl, did I have enough information to find and surveil her, looking for the right moment to snatch her and have her to myself? (Yes.)
Voodoo hexes for every blogger who puts themselves and others in peril through their own carelessness, driven by the overwhelming desire to heap their entire lives upon the public! There are dangerous people out there; YOU are chiefly among them.
Voodoo, VooDOO, VOODOOOO!
Dear reader I hope you get it… too many terrible human beings have been snatching our children lately and we are making it simple for them to find easy prey. Safety and common sense doesn’t just apply to beautiful little children out there… it applies to the ugly ones too.
Just kidding…
Safety applies to everyone; don’t be a jackhole.
Merry Hexmas!
I don't know for certain whether voodoo hexes work, but if they do, don't you realise what you're doing? You mention all the things that could happen to the little girl - then you HELP THEM ALONG by putting a hex on her so that something bad will happen to her. Who's the dumbass?
Posted by: PJ | Friday, February 02, 2007 at 11:25 AM